Camp Akatsuki Paradise
by TBRProductions
Summary: The Akatsuki get sent to summer camp with some girls. Utterly random spawned from boredom amd sugar candy. ENJOY! Rated M for Hidan&Oc's mouths.  ItachixOc, SasorixOc, DeidaraxOc, HidanxOc, ZetsuxOc? Bwahahaa this should be interesting... TBRPRODUCTIONS!
1. Random Interruptions

Akatsuki Randomness

DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put up disclaimers, but I just feel like it, so shut up and enjoy. By the way: I NO OWNEY AKATSUKI, NARUTO & COMPANY, OR ANY OTHER BRAND NAMED ITEM IN THIS STORY...

Like I said, shut up and enjoy the oocness.

"Chapter One: Random Interruptions"

Two Naruto fangirls were quietly sitting in the upstairs of their house, when they randomly began to smell hair gel. They could hear crashing, swearing, and breaking glass.

"WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?" Hidan yelled, bursting into the purple room of two fangirls, Keiko and Teira, who were huddled around a shitty computer, reading Akatsuki fanfiction.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER?" Teira yelled at the furious Hidan.

"OI, BITCH SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! I WOULDN'T BE HERE IN THIS SHITHOLE IF ONE OF YOU BITCHES HADN'T STOLE MY FUCKING HAIR GEL!" He screeched in anger.

"OI, FAGGOT, SHUT YOUR FACE AND GET THE BLOODY FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE, FREAK!" Teira yelled, her dark brown eyes flashing angrily, her brown hair tipped blonde, flipped over her shoulder in annoyance.

"NOT UNTIL I GET MY FUCKING HAIR GEL BACK!"

"Well then," Keiko said awkwardly. "Imma just, ahem, go outside..."

"I DON'T HAVE YOUR CHEAP ASS SHITTY FUCKING HAIR GEL!" Teira swore loudly, causing the neighbors to wake up and shout obsenities at them.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING FUCKERS!" Hidan and Teira yelled at the same time. They then looked at each other and frowned.

"I SAID THAT!" They said simultaneously.

"QUIT MOCKING ME! FUCK YOU!" They shouted in unison.

They didn't even see Tobi sneak out of the closet, a conspicuous lump shaped suspiciously like a hair gel bottle hidden under his cloak.

However, to the girl sitting outside, laughing occasionally at the elevator music in her head, dancing quietly to the random saxophone solo it was quite obvious who had stolen the silver haired man's gel.

She had shoulder-blade length black hair, and light brown eyes that were always laughing.

When Keiko saw Tobi sneaking out of her house, a lump near his belly, she got suspicious and followed him to the Akatsuki's hideout.

She couldn't go in the front door, or else she would get caught, so she resorted to looking for open or unlocked windows. She finally found an open window, and crawled quietly inside.

The room was Mostly black, seeing as it was pitch black outside.

She heard a faint sound, the sound of cold water running from a showerhead, the tinkling of it hitting ceramic tiles.

Some one was taking a shower. Then the sound stopped, and she thought, 'Not any more... Better hide...'

She hid in the closet, peering through the crack in the door as a man around nineteen -her age- clad in just a thin towel, stepped in sight.

As she watched, utterly transfixed by his mysterious beauty, a droplet of water from his shaggy hair dropped down and slid down his chest, curving around his... 'Four, Six, EIGHT! HOLY SHIT! AN EIGHT PACK!' Eight pack, she stifled a gasp, because the sight made her utterly breathless. He shook his hair out, letting his complete sexiness show, and she was getting dizzy.

He closed the window and the curtains, snd went out of view and began to change.

'DAMNIT!' She swore in her head. 'It's a shame, but, Too bad.'

Soon the man change and left the room, and she stepped out into the hallway, where a confused, yet amused-looking shirtless mysterious sexy man stood, watching a fight between Hidan and Teira.

"WHAT THE FUCK! I SMELL MY HAIR GEL! WHERE IS IT? OI! BITCH! WHERE IS IT?" Hidan asked Teira, who was following shortly behind.

Keiko jumped into the nearest door, and soon found out that Kisame was in there, she decided that she didn't want to be in there, because the shark boy was cracking lame pick-up lines, in a sleazy attempt to get inside her neon orange shorts, and asking her to take her off her light blue colored halter top.

After that her sister, Teira, and Hidan had passed the door, headed for Tobi's room, where a strong scent of hair gel was coming from.

"Tobi! Drop the hair gel! I repeat, Drop the Hair gel!" She yelled. He had it caked on his head.

"Tobi wants to be just like Hidan!" He protested.

"HAND THAT FUCKING SHIT OVER BEFORE I BEAT THE PISS OUT OF YOUR FUCKING BRAIN!" Hidan Screamed at the cowering boy.

"You shouldn't wear hair gel. You look good with Bangs." Teira said.

"WHY SOULD I GIVE A FUCK?" He asked, though he was slightly blushing, and considering wearing his hair with bangs...

"Jeez. Don't need to yell at me."

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?"

"I FUCKING SAID THAT YOU FUCKING FUCK DIDN"T HAVE TO FUCKING YELL AT ME! FUCK!" She yelled right back at him.

Hidan sneered, but inside, he was grinning proudly. She was fucking perfect...

"Tobi is a bad boy!" He wailed.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, LOSER!" Teira yelled, throwing a feather duster at Hidan.

"OI BITCH, YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He yelled, throwing a jug of yellow paint.

"FUCKING ASSHOLE!" She threw eyeliner.

"FUCKING TWAT!" Hidan threw a hamburger at the red-faced Teira.

"I. AM. NOT. A. TWAAAAAT!" She screamed, chunking a jumbo-sized ravioli can at the silver-haired man.

Suddenly, the two ceased to throw random items at each other, and began to seriously harcore make-out.

"ENOUGH!"

Pein and Konan came out of their room, to see what the commotion was about. Konan's make-up was smeared, and her lips slightly swollen, while Pein's hair was seriously fucked up- like Sasuke and Kakashi's baby fucked up- and his lips had lip gloss on them, and they sparkled and were shiny. (O.o)

Disturbingly shiny...

"Ahem..." Kakuzu coughed awkwardly.

"I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS BULLSHIT!" Pein yelled, infuriated.

Konan nodded her dark blue head in agreement.

"It's the last argument I'm gonna hear from any of you."

Everyone looked at the normally reserved Leader.

Except for the two fan girls, who just blinked.

"THE AKATSUKI ARE ALL GOING TO CAMP FOR SUMMER!"

While Pein and Konan were chewing the men out, the two girls snuck out of the hideout, and walked back home. All of the lights were on.

As soon as they walked into the door, their dad, Shikaku, was sitting on the couch, a bottle of Sake in his hand. Their mom, Shikari, was behind the door. She looked at her two unruly daughters, and then to her other two children sitting quietly on the couch.

It was two o'clock in the morning.

"I'm tired of you two sneaking out in the middle of the night to party. We've agreed to send you three away to Camp Akatsuki. Your brother, Shikamaru, is going to Camp Hidden Leaf, but you three girls are going to a different camp. Akatsuki. It's for juvenile delinquents. It's in the middle of a forest, and you have no rules. You have to fend for yourself. No partying, no fun. Just survival."

'Oh, mother, how wrong you are...' Keiko thought to herself,. having heard all about it from one of her friends.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Teira yelled angrily.

"What did you just say, young lady?"

"I SAID WHAT-THE-FUCK. ARE YOU DEAF, BITCH?" She yelled, never being the one to be shy, but always the one to get in trouble.

"That's it. Pack up your bags. You're leaving tomorrow."

"What the fuck ever, you dumb ass twat!" She yelled, stealing Hidan's word.

'Good word, Hidan,' she thought, grinning while she marched up the stairs.

"But Moooooom? Why do I have to go? I didn't do anything wrong!" Rya yelled, her dark brown eyes pleading.

"Your father and I are going on vacation, and we can't leave you here alone."

"Mom, I'm eighteen."

"Did I ask? No? Okay. Now go pack and get some rest, We're leaving tomorrow at dawn."

With a grumble of "Soooo unfair" under her breath, she marched upstairs as well.

Shikamaru came in while they were getting their stuff ready.

Well, Rya was getting everyone's stuff ready, while the other two girls sat by the computer, finishing the fanfiction they were reading when Hidan so rudely interupted.

"Hey, girls, have you, uhhm, talked to... What's her face? Emo? I mean Ino?"

Teira snorted and said in a british accent, "Bloody fuck, do you fancy the bitch or what?"

"She's not a bitch... Psshht, No. What if I did?"

"Then I would tell you that she's going to camp Hidden Leaf with her bestie Sakura. Duuuhh!" Rya said in a peppy, somewhat preppy voice.

"Oh my Jeebus your fake voice is like so annoying." Teira said, and Rya just rolled her eyes as their brother left.

Rya then called her and her sisters' friends, Myoko and Ame, and told them to beg their parents to let them got to camp.

Keiko was in La-La Land, daydreaming about taking a hot steamy shower, with that mysterious, no, sexy, no yummy-

"OI! KEIKO!"

Teira yelled right in Keiko's face.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT TWAT?"

"Wow, it seems like everyone likes that word." Rya commented.

"Shut the fuck up, twat licker." Teira said.

"Shut the hell up, twat face." Keiko said at the same time as her seventeen year old sister.

They both grinned, and Keiko raised a palm, while Teira raised a fist, and right before their hands collided, they switched, so that Teira was holding up a palm, and Keiko a fist, and pounded it.

Rya rolled her eyes, and finished up packing. She packed light coloured, thin clothing.

Just as she was finished, and her sisters finished with the story they were reading, they went down stairs to eat breakfast. It was almost dawn...

~~~ 


	2. Random Makeout Sessions

Akatsuki Randomness

DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put up disclaimers, but I just feel like it, so shut up and enjoy. By the way: I NO OWNEY AKATSUKI, NARUTO & COMPANY, OR ANY OTHER BRAND NAMED ITEM IN THIS STORY...

Like I said, shut up and enjoy the oocness.

"Chapter Two: Random Make Out Sessions"

The Akatsuki had arrived at Camp Akatsuki at four in the morning, and they were all seperated into their own cottages like this:

Cabin 1: Pein, Konan

Cabin 2: Zetsu,

Cabin 3: Itachi,

Cabin 4: Sasori,

Cabin 5: Hidan,

Cabin 6: Deidara,

Cabin 7: Kakuzu, Kisame, Tobi,

The last cabin they just threw the ones that were the most annoying together. Kakuzu didn't mind, because it saved money.

As they were all getting settled in, Konan got a phone call on her cell. " Pein, without love, Pein, can't get enough. Pein, I like it rough, Cause I'd rather feel Pein that nothing at all..."

She whipped out her phone, and answered it in her cool professional voice.

"Konan here, can I help you?"

She waited while the person talked.

"Uh-huh. I see. We have room for a few extra people. Yes, we just got a call from another family as well. Two plus your three? Okay. That's alright with me. Yes, m'am I assure you, it's very safe out here, but its tough..." She winked at Pein.

"Mmhmm, okay. Goodbye."

"What is it?" Pein asked.

"Five new girls. The guys already have their stuff situated, so we'll just put them into the five rooms with the five guys who are alone. Let's make a list."

Cabin 1: Pein, Konan

Cabin 2: Zetsu, Ame

Cabin 3: Itachi, Keiko

Cabin 4: Sasori, Myoko

Cabin 5: Hidan, Teira

Cabin 6: Deidara, Rya

Cabin 7: Kakuzu, Kisame, Tobi

The girls arrived at six in the morning. It was still kind of dark outside, but was light enough to see.

Teira was mumbling obscenities under her breath, and every once in a while, Shikari would tell her to cut it out.

She would only get louder, directing her swears at her mother. She got to the point where she was screaming, and her mom was screaming too, but her dad just layed passed out in the floorboard, drooling and occasionally snoring.

Rya kicked her dad affectionately, and kissed him on the cheek.

He mumbled something under his breath.

"What? What did you say, you old fart?" Teira asked, somehow managing not to swear.

"I said, don't forget the thought of hamby meet."

Teira rolled her eyes, replying, "Yeah, I love you too, you fuckin drunk."

Keiko bent down to kiss her dad's cheek, and he puked in her face.

"UGH! DAD THAT'S FUCKIN SICK!"

"EH? DON'T FORGET TO THAW THE HAMBURGER MEAT, VANESSA HUDGENS!"

"What the hell ever, you senile old creeper. But I still love you!"

"I love you too Vanessa Hudgens!"

"Fuck off!" Teira said, flipping her mom off, sticking her tongue out, wiggling her tongue ring.

The one that her mom didn't know about...

Hewr mother sighed, and drove away.

They had their bags, all four of them.

"Wait, why do we have four bags?" Rya asked, confused.

"Uhmmm," Keiko said, looking down.

"Umm What?" Rya asked.

"UMM SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Teira screamed. "I packed them cause unlike you two, I like dark clothes. 'Gawd, I'm stuck here with a weird hippie and a preppy retard.'

Suddenly a car pulled up, and two girls got out.

CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS:

RYA: BROWN SHOULDER LENGTH HAIR, WITH CARMEL STREAKS, BROWN EYES, WEARS LIGHT COLORS, AND LOVES SKIRTS. ALWAYS MESSING WITH HER HAIR, AND LOVES PAINTING HER NAILS. IT'S HER ART...

TEIRA: BROWN HAIR, BROWN EYES, JUST UNDER HER SHOULDER BLADES, THICK BLONDE STREAKS AND TIPS, WEARS BLACK CLOTHES AND SOME RED, TONGUE PIERCED, AND EARS PIERCED TEN TIMES- four on one six on the other- LOVES TO DRAW ANIME AND PEOPLE, LOVES SWEARING, AND BREAKING THE RULES...

KEIKO: BLACK SHOULDER LENGTH HAIR, LIGHT BROWN EYES, TWO EYEBROW RINGS IN A ROW, HAS EARS PIERCED THREE TIMES-one on one side, two on the other- WEARS ANY COLOR OF THE RAINBOW, LOVES TO WRITE AND CLIMB TREES, TATTOO OF A BIOHAZARD SIGN ON BACK OF NECK, THE WORD 'KISMET' ON HER LEFT HIP.

AME: SILVER UNDERNEATH BLACK LONG HAIR, PURPLE EYES, SILVER TIPS, LIP RING, WEARS WHATEVER SHE CAN FIND THATS CLEAN, DOESN'T CARE ABOUT MATCHING, MOSTLY BLACK THOUGH. LOVES TO READ HORROR STORIES AND PLANTS...

MYOKO: REDDISH BROWN SHOULDER BLADE-LENGTH HAIR, GREEN EYES, DARK CLOTHES, HEAVY EYELINER, INDUSTRIAL BAR PIERCING, LOVES TO LISTEN TO MUSIC...

"AME!" Teira screamed, hugging her best friend.

"MYOKO!" Rya yelled, hugging her bestie.

"Keiko, come join us in a group hug! C'mon, don't be shy!" Rya encouraged.

"Oi, who said anything about a fucking group hug?" Teira screamed, while she and her best friend backed away slowly, followed by Keiko.

"No! NO MORE HUGS!" Keiko yelled, holding her hands over her ears and rocking herself.

"GREAT! Look what you did. You made Keiko flip out." All of the girls sighed, except for Keiko, who just began to mumble to herself.

"No more, no more, no more!"

"OKAY! FINE! NO HUGS THEN!" Rya screamed, trying to get her sister to recover before she went into stage two.

Keiko's "stages"

Stage one: Crying and rocking

Stage two: Screaming and swearing

Stage three: Brutally murdering the person who annoyed her with a spork.

Keiko instantly calmed down as soon as Rya's hand reached her shoulder. Rya may have been a tad bit preppy, but she was very kind and compassionate.

The five girls entered the camp ground, and looked around in shock and awe. It was beautiful, nothing like the pamphlet described.

There was a hot spring, a pool, an inside game room, and a row of cabins. It looked like paradise.

"OI! WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Hidan screamed angrily, just noticing the fuming Teira.

"I SHOULD BE ASKING YOU THE SAME THING, YOU STUPID ASS MOTHERFUCKER!"

Teira threw another jumbo ravioli can at Hidan's hairgelled head.

"OI BITCH YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!"

"WHAT EVER DICK SQUEEZER!"

Hidan went back into his cabin, which was cabin number five.

Konan, whom two of the girls Teira and Keiko) had already met before the previous night.

"Hi, my name is Konan. I'm one of the camp directors. Tell me your names and I'll give you your cabin number. Each cabin had two beds, across from each other, and, because there is not male/female discretion, you will be sharing your room with a male."

'WOOT!' Rya cheered, hoping her roommate was cute.

"Okay, and just so you know, there are no rules. This is Akatuki Paradise. That's the real name of this camp. We like to help people relax, have a place to unwind, before the summer's over and they have to go back to their crazy, stressful lives. Yeah, we lied to your parents, but don't act like you've never lied before. It's not hurting them any. So, tell me your name and I'll randomly select a cabin for you."

"Rya Nara." Rya said, sticking out her perfectly manicured hand.

"Hi Rya, you're in cabin 6."

"Who's my roommate? Does he look like hot or anything? Is he nice?"

"Uhm, yes, very.. hot and nice...?"

"WOOT!" Rya ran off to her cabin, her purple and black suitcase flying wildly behind her.

"Ame Kima." Ame said monotonously.

"Cabin 2." She said quickly.

"Yippee." She said unenthusiastically.

"I'm Teira Nara, fucker."

"5." Konan said instantly.

"What the fuck ever. WAIT! ISN'T THAT?- OH SON OF A MADARA!" Teira stalked off, seething anger and muttering a string of curse words that would make her room mate proud.

"I'm Myoko Kima." The next girl said, sarcastically and somewhat defiantly, messing with her iPod.

"Cabin number 4."

"Thanks."

"My name is Keiko Nara, pleasure to meet you." Keiko stuck out her hand, her fingernails were rainbow-painted.

"Umm... Cabin 3."

"Alrighty. Nice meeting you, Konan."

"You, too." Konan said, grinning mischevously. Little did they know, Konan had just played matchmaker, and disaster was just waiting to happen...

Rya walked into her new cabin, eager to see her "hot" room mate.

She looked around anxiously, but nobody was there.

'What?' She was thinking, when she heard something.

A shower running.

She stood around awkwardly until she finally got the nerve to unpack her stuff.

Her clothes went on the dresser, her fingernail polish and her iPad, with a keyboard attatched.

She pulled out a really... interesting... pair of lacy purple underwear, when a blond guy suddenly appeared in the room in a towel.

"Hey. Who are you, hmm? And why are you in my room, not that I mind or anything..."

She turned around to hide her blushing face, as she gathered her composure, she said, "I'm your room mate. I'm Rya."

She awkwardly fiddled with the lacy panties, and then threw them underneath a pile of stuffed animals when she realized she was holding them in plain sight..

"I'm Deidara, un. You should model them for me, hmm?"

"W-what?" She stuttered, turning even redder.

"I said... Model them for me."

"Model, what? Oh. Those... I only use those for special occasions."

"Like this?"

And in one swift movement, Deidara crossed the room, and lifted his palm up to touch her neck, his hand nipping it lightly, then licking.

"Yeah, I think this is special enough!" Rya said shakily, grinning, and quickly went into the bathroom to change into the lingerie.

Ame walked into her cottage. It was pitch black, but she could see perfectly.

There was a figure hovering one of the corners by the bed.

"SO HUNGRY!"

"What the fuck? I'm hungry too but I don't go around talking in a creepy voice, telling random people." Ame said coldly.

"SO HUNGRY! MUST EAT!"

"AND I'M A VEGETARIAN! BE AFRAID, BE VERY ARAID!" She muttered

Zetsu cowered in a corner, terrified of the girl.

"YEAH, BITCH! SO IF YOUR GONNA BE MY ROOM MATE, NO PEOPLE EATING. GOT THAT? YOU'RE ON A STRICT VEGETARIAN DIET!"

"O-o-o-ok-okay."  
She pulled out a piece of broccoli.

"Here, eat this. It's good. And good for you. Eating bones is bad for your digestion."

"Ugh! BROCCOLI?" Zetsu asked in his normal voice.

"Yes, it's broccoli. Eat it. Now." She commanded.

"Yes m'am." He choked out, and without even swallowing, he ate his very own cousin.

"What's your name, creepy split personality person?"

"ZETSU!" His creepy voice yelled.

"Hello, Zetsu I'm Ame."

"Pleasure to eat you, I MEAN MEET YOU!"

"Uh-huh. Likely story..."

Teira grunted loudly as she threw her two huge lime green and black duffel bags on the closest bed.

"OI, THAT'S MY BED, BITCH!" Hidan yelled.

"NOT ANYMORE, DICK MUNCHER." Teira replied through gritted teeth.

"I'M SLEEPING ON IT WHETHER YOU FUCKING LIKE IT OR NOT!" Hidan said loudly.

"WELL I AM, TOO. GUESS WE'LL BE CUDDLE BUDDIES. DUMB ASS MOTHERFUCKER."

"FUCK OFF, TWAT! I CAME FIRST!"

"YEAH YOU DID, FUCKING MINUTE-MAN!" She yelled, and Hidan growled, "OI! BITCH! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"MAKE ME, FUCK-FACE!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"I'M NOT THAT FUCKING DESPERATE" She yelled, throwing a ravioli can at his head.

"OI BITCH, WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP THOSE?"

"THE SAME PLACE YOU KEEP YOUR HAIR GEL!"

Hidan grinned, wickedly.

"EW! I MEANT MY BACK POCKET, YOU FREAKY ASS MOTHERFUCK!"

"What makes you think I don't put my hair gel anywhere else?" Hidan asked, for once not swearing or using any foul language.

"Because. I'm psychic."

"BITCH YOU'RE MENTAL!"

"BITCH YOU'RE RETARDED!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"I CAN'T FUCK MYSELF, DUMB ASS!"

"WELL I AM NOT GONNA DO IT FOR YOU!"

"NOT WILLINGLY!" Teira grins evilly.

"Bitch, I'm always willing."

"Cause you're a slut."

"You know you want this."

"So? Don't act like you don't want this, either."

"BITCH!"

"ASSHOLE!"

And with that, well, lets just leave right there. I'd die blushing if I told you the rest.

Myoko turned up her iPod full blast, and started humming "Master of Puppets" by Pantera.

Then, she looked up from the tetris game she was playing to see a red-haired guy sitting in a desk, dressed in all black, an expressionless face looking down at the blueprint of some kind of design.

He didn't even look up to see the russet haired girl enter, shining in the dark.

But when he heard the song, his head snapped up, a look of interest on his face.

"Who are you?" He asked curiousity in his somewhat emotionless voice.

"Myoko. Your new room mate."

"Sasori."

Myoko said nothing else to the red haired teen, and began to put her belongings away in the dresser, setting her belongings out: her iPod, her iPhone, her notebooks, a few reading books, a make up bag, her phone and iPod charger, her Disturbed and Marylin Manson posters, and last but not least, a toothbrush, shaving cream and a razor.

Sasori turned back to his work, but used a different paper, a fresh one. He had a new inspiration for a puppet...

Lastly, Keiko arrived in her new room, looking around in the dark, her eyes easily adjusting.

A man sat on a bed, reading. In the dark.

"Itachi." He said.

"What?"

"My name is Itachi."

"Keiko. Wanna listen to music?"

"What kind?"

"All kinds, mostly rock."

"Throw in Underoath and it's a deal."

So Keiko put Underoath on her mp4 player, and connected it to the speakers she had brought. They jammed out while she put away her stuff.

"Maybe we, why don't we... Sit right here for half an hour. We'll speak of what a waste I am..."

"Do you have any of the Almost? Or From Autumn To Ashes?"

"Yes and Hell yes."

"Keiko?"

"Yeah?"

"I fucking love you."

"Really?" She asked sarcastically, then said, "Everyone loves the Coo-coo Keiko!"

Itachi looked at her, trying to figure her out.

But couldn't.

Because she was unreadable, unprediactable, different...

"I can see why." He muttered dryly.

~~~ 


	3. Random Condom Wrappers

Akatsuki Randomness

DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put up disclaimers, but I just feel like it, so shut up and enjoy. By the way: I NO OWNEY AKATSUKI, NARUTO & COMPANY, OR ANY OTHER BRAND NAMED ITEM IN THIS STORY...

Like I said, shut up and enjoy the oocness.

"Chapter Three: Random Condom Wrappers"

Hidan laughed loudly and Teira hit him in the head.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She yelled.

Pein suddenly stepped out on to his cabin's screened in porch that every cabin had.

"What the-?"

"Pein! The fucking bitch made me do it!"

"Made you do what?" He opened the door all the way, and a used condom fell on his face. His mouth was partly open, and the tip went into his mouth...

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Pein yelled, causing a very irritated Konan to emerge from the cabin behind him, and a random condom wrapper fell on her head.

"THAT'S FUCKING SICK, HIDAN! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TRIED TO FRAME OUR INNOCENT LITTLE TEIRA OF THIS HEINOUS CRIME!" Konan yelled angrily, winking at Teira from behind Pein's back.

"Leader, it was all her fucking idea!" Hidan yelled defensively.

"Right. So she used a condom, with her penis, and stuck it to the top of the door so it would fall on my head?"

"Yeah, I mean, not the penis part, that was me, but-"

"HA! SO YOU ADMIT IT!" Konan yelled.

"That's all I need to hear. Hidan you'll spend the night in Tobi's room. Kisame gets your room for the night."

"WHAT? AW, FUCK, NO!"

"Yes." Pein said forcefully.

Hidan just walked away, swearing profusely under his breath.

Pein went back inside, and Konan said, "We are having a meeting under the campfire at nine. Tell everyone." She then winked again, and whispered, "You sooo owe me."

Rya had just pulled her bra on, and grab the nearest thing next to her, and somehow ended up with Deidara's checkered blue boxers, and answered the door. Deidara was sculpting something, while sitting there naked.

"PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!" Rya yelled.

"No! I'm creating a masterpiece!"

"Whatever," she said, opening the door to find her younger sister standing there, a dumbfounded look on her face.

"What?" Rya demanded.

"You're such a fucking slut, Rya!" She laughed at/with her big sister.

"I know. It's so fun, though!"

"Keep it in your pants. I mean, this is like paradise island with hotties here, but, damn!"

"Hey, shut the hell up, I see those bite marks and hickies on your neck!"

"So?"

"So?"

"Fuck off."

"Gladly! Now why the hell are you here?"

"Oh, your skankiness almost made me forget. There's a meeting at the fire tonight at nine."

"Okay. But I have unfinished business to attend to."

"I'm sure you do.." She then slammed the door in her sister's face and turned back to the blonde sitting ont he bed. He had a sculpture of two people dancing, one male, one female, and their bodies were forming a heart.

On the bottom, it said, "OH DANG LETS BANG!"

Keiko was sitting quietly on her bed, doing a silent air guitar, occasionally singing into the invisible microphne, while Itachi played the imaginary drums.

When the song was over, they high-fived, and randomly, Keiko decided to create a secret handshake, for just the two of them.

After several experimentations, Keiko decided how she wanted to do the handshake.

Itachi activated his Mangekyo Sharingan, and copied and memorized her moves.

"Alright, high five palm, palm under, back hand over, hand-arm. Bring-it-back, pound it, patty-cake three times, shame-shame-shame, elbow slap, elbow slap, UHHN SON!" She yelled, while Itachi looked amused.

"Groovy, huh?" She asked,. while Itachi merely nodded, and quietly added, "We need a theme song."

"How about... this..."

She flipped through her mp4 player, and picked out a few songs.

"Anthem of Our Dying Day?"

"No. Too emo."

"I'm on a boat?"

"No. I hate T-Pain's voice."

"All That I've Got?"

"Maybe, next."

"I'm a Gangster?

"HELL TO THE FUCKIN YES!"

"Okay. We're Gangsters... Woot!"

"And our secret handshake can be called 'Tha G Shake'.." Itachi said with a grin.

"Yeah! Now what's our motto?" She asked.

"Hakuna Matata!" Itachi shouted, singing.

"What a wonderful phrase!" Keiko said grinning wider than Itachi.

"Hakuna Matata." Itachi said louder.

"Ain't no passing craze!" Keiko sang loudly.

"OI WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING IN HERE?" Teira yelled, randomly busting in the door.

"Singing the Lion King..." Keiko said, innocently.

"Mmmhmm. Right. Well we're having a meeting at nine at the bonfire. Konan cordially invites you." Teira said in a Rya-like voice.

"Ooohkay? Thanks..."

"I'm just glad you two aren't doing the dirty-dirty. I mean fucking. It seems like everyone here is getting laid today!"

"What about Myoko and Ame?"

"They're still as innocent as they were before we arrived." Keiko guessed, since she hadn't talked to them yet.

"What about you?" Keiko asked her younger sister.

"Ahem, about that?" She started, but Itachi was standing next to Keiko in a flash, and said, "Hidan?"

"Yeah... heh heh.." She scratched the back of her head.

"Get yourself checked. Immediately." He said seriously.

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Haha, just kidding." He grinned.

"Phew..."

"Kinda..." He said, turning serious.

"What the fuck?"

Teira ran off, screaming for Hidan.

Itachi laughed, and they picked up right where they let off.

"It means no worries," He sang.

"For the rest of our days," Keiko finished his line.

"It's a problem-free" He started a new line.

"Philosophy..." she sang, finishing it yet again

"HAKUNA MATATA!" They sang together.

Sasori was sitting quietly in the dark, staring intensely at the piece of paper in front of him.

He occasionally looked up to steal glances at the red-haired beauty in front of him.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" She growled.

"Nothing."

"What the hell are you doing?" Myoko demanded.

"Drawing a sketch of a puppet. Blueprints."

"Then why are you looking at me? And does it have to do with voodoo?"

"No. And because I can."

"Well if you're not doing voodoo then why the fuck did you steal my hair out of my hair brush? And my head?"

"Because. I had to get the shade right... I'm making you a puppet."

"Really?"

"Yes. I thi-"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE?"

Teira had randomly burst in, standing in the light that filtered into the dark room, looking like the Messiah, or Jesus or something, the way she was glowing.

"Nothing, why?" Myoko asked innocently.

"BECAUSE! APPARENTLY, EVERYONE IS GETTING LAID TODAY! IT'S NATIONAL FUCK-YOUR-BRAINS-OUT DAY! And by 'everybody' I mean Rya and me..."

"Seriously? Well isn't this awkward." Myoko said dryly.

"Yeah.. Heh heh.." Teira backed out, and told them about the meeting at the campfire at nine.

"Be there, or be square.." Teira said mysteriously and left.

"Ohkay..." Myoko sweatdropped.

"Yeah..." Sasori asid, confused, and went back to his work.

Ame had just got in the shower, when Teira randomly busted in. "OH YEAH!"

"AAAH! KOOL-AID MAN! YOU BREAK DANCE?"

"Uhh, I'm not the Kool-Aid man, and I don't breakdance... Okay, I do. But only when I'm alone. And only if the SugarHill Gang is playing 'Rapper's Delight'."

Zetsu just blinked twice.

"Can I eat you?" He asked.

"Uhhhh. No."

"Aww, okay."

Zetsu frowned and began to pout.

All of the sudden Teira ran into the bathroom, yanking the shower curtain back.

"Boooobiesss." She said, pretending like she was squeezing them.

"Teira!" She screeched.

"Oi, stop yellin', stop yellin'. Yellin' hurts mahh ears!"

"What the hell do you want?"

"Meeting at campfire. Nine."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"GET OUT OF HERE, THEN, YOU FRIGGIN LESBO!"

"Okay, jeez."

"And shut the door behind you."

"Fine."

Teira stood outside of cabin seven.

She knocked, trying to keep in her laughter. She was trying to be serious.

"Hi!" Some cheery guy in an orange mask answered the door.

"Uhh, hi?"

"Tobi is a good boy?" He asked expectantly.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Let me in, it's fucking hot out here!"

"Okay. Teehee Tobi is a good boy. Pretty lady said so!" Tobi yelled leading her into a room with two bunk beds.

"Um, Konan said that who ever Kisame is needs to come with me and everyone needs to meet at the fire at nine."

"I'm Kisame." Creep Fishface said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Who are you? An angel?"

"Uhhhhhhhh... No. I'm a crazy bitch..." Teira said.

"Hey, you're a crazy bitch, you fu-"

"AND I DON'T PUT OUT."

"Aww." Kisame frowned. "Why did you have to go and rain on my parade like that?"

"Cause I'm a bitch. I already said that, Sharkboy. Now come on, lets go find Lavagirl."

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi yelled when Hidan walked in.

He slapped Teira's bum as he walked past her.

"OI! THAT'S MINE! MOTHERFUCKER, YOU WANNA FIGHT?"

"FUCK YEAH I WANNA FIGHT! AND IT'S MINE NOW!"

"BULLSHIT! LET'S FUCKING GO THEN!"

"NAW, I'll leave the wrestling for tonight." He winked and made a kissy face.

"Come on, Kisame. I may change my mind about putting out." She joked, trying to make Hidasn mad.

It worked, his face was red, and he was furious.

But before he could say anything, the door was slammed shut in his face.

"Bitch!" He yelled at the door, which said nothing back.

It was going to be one annoyingly lonely night...


	4. Random Fire In My Pants

Akatsuki Randomness

DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put up disclaimers, but I just feel like it, so shut up and enjoy. By the way: I NO OWNEY AKATSUKI, NARUTO & COMPANY, OR ANY OTHER BRAND NAMED ITEM IN THIS STORY...

Like I said, shut up and enjoy the oocness.

"Chapter Four: Random Fire in My Pants!"

"Okay, is everyone here?" Konan asked, looking out at the campers.

"Yeah, now why the bloody fuck are we here?" Hidan-surprise!-asked.

"BECAUSE I SAID SO, ASSWIPE!" Konan yellled.

Pein shot Hidan a warning glance, and the silver-haired Jashin lover kept his mouth shut.

"We're going to have a bonfire every other night, with hot dogs, marshmallows, and smores. Once a week, on Fridays, we'll have a sleepover in the big house. The big house is over there," She pointed over to this huge mansion.

"We will play all kinds of fun games, and also once a week, on Tuesdays, we will have a huge party, with music and dancing. Since this is everyone's first day, we'll do all three in one night. Starting right now." The blue-haired origami artist pulled out a bag, and pulled out a huge stack of Hershey's bars, a box of chocolate graham crackers, and three gigantic bags of marshmallows.

Then she pulled out some hotdogs and fifteen roasting sticks.

"Here we go." She passed them out, and said, "We'll start with the bonfire. Then when we're done eating, we'll turn up some music and drink a little bit. Then we'll play sleepover games int the Big House, then drink some more, and dance, then we'll split up and go to bed."

"WOO!" Myoko said uncharacteristically, excited at the fact that she wouldn't have to endure this torture sober.

"UHNN SON!" Keiko said, high-fiving a stoic Itachi.

"Yeah buddy!" Rya said, pounding it with Deidara.

"FUCKIN SWEET!" Guess who? yelled.

Hidan, of course.

"Fuck yeah!" Teira yelled, grinning.

"Okay, everyone calm down." Pein yelled.

Immediately, everyone quieted down, though someone occasionally said 'woo!' randomly.

"Keiko, quit it."

"Aww, ohkay." She frowned.

"Come on, everyone dig in!" Konan yelled, and stepped back as the starving teens devoured the food.

After a few minutes, Hidan managed to catch himself on fire.

"AAAH! BLOODY FUCK! I'M ON FIRE!"

Teira laughed evilly, and began to roast a marshmallow over the fire on Hidan's head.

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

Finally, after Hidan was put out, and everyone had stopped laughing, they cranked up the music, and began to party.

Keiko, being a slight alcoholic, chugged the nearest bottle in a few seconds.

Her two sisters and their friends did the same.

Myoko and Ame were holding each other up while they laughed loudly at Hidan, who was yelling profanities at a very drunk Teira.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, HIIII-DAN!" She yelled, slurrily.

"Oi, bitch, suck a dick."

"Naww, I ap-hiccup-appreciate the offer, though."

Keiko was hardcore screaming into an invisible microphone.

"THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME STABLE GROUND LEFT TO WALK ON! SO TEAR ANOTHER PAGE FROM THE BOOK! ARE YOU ASLEEP OR JUST ALONE? CLEAR THIS ROOM FROM YOUR LUNGS! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN! ON YOUR BACK!"

In Regards To Myself by UnderOath played in the background. A tipsy Itachi laughed, and played the drummer and singer, while his room mate was the screamer and guitarist.

"I SWEAR! IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU! IT'S ALL WORTH REACHING FOR THE HAND TO PULL YOU OUT!"

Keiko screamed loudly, while everyone just looked at her, confused, not understanding what she was saying.

"OI! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING?" Teira yelled at her big sister.

"I'm hungry." Rya said, then put a marshmallow in her mouth and spit it in Deidara's face.

"Ha! I WANTED A CHEESEBURGER!" Rya yelled, laughing maniacally.

"Here." Deidara said, handing her a muscle relaxer to make her pass out and quit being annoying.

"What is it?" Rya asked.

"It's a cheeseburger, un."

"YAY!"

She took the pill and swallowed it with a beer.

"WOO!"

Keiko quit screaming, her ears hurting, and glomped Itachi.

"Hey, Itchy-bear!"

"Uhhhh..." 'Itchy-bear' said confused.

"I loves you, Itchy-bear!" Keiko said screamo style.

"Uhh, yeah. Itchy-bear loves you too, Kei."

"Yay, I feel loved!" She yelled normally.

"Let's all go swim! Or go in the hot springs!" Kisame said.

"Uhh, okay. Wait, where are Pein and Konan?"

"There's no telling." Myoko said somberly.

"Ewwie!" Zetsu aid hoarsely.

"Hey," Kisame said, turning to Teira, "Wanna float mahh boat?"

"Uhhhh... NO!"

"Okay, jeez." He said dejectedly, and turned away, crying big juicy anime-shark tears.

"Pus-say." Teira said, laughing loudly at Fishsticks misery.

Then they all seperated and went back to their cabins to get their swim suits on.

"GERONIMO!" Keiko yelled, jumping in with her tie-dyed swim suit, an orange heart on the left part of the top, and a lime green peace sign on the right side of the back of her bottoms.

Itachi waited for her to surface, before he jumped in. He then surfaced and adjusted his black, red and white trunks so there were no air bubbles.

"WOO!" Rya yelled, as Deidara carried her over his shoulder, in her white and blacked striped bikini.

He threw her in the shallow part of the pool, then jumped in himself, wearing light blue trunks.

"Yeah, hmm!"

"CHICKEN!" Myoko yelled, jumping on Sasori's back. Her red and black checkered bikini matching with the red of Sasori's trunks.

"YEAH!" Teira yelled, climbing up Hidan's back and sitting on his shoulders. She wore a lime green and black polka dotted two piece, bikini, with a pair of black shorts. Hidan wore baggy beige shorts, not wanting to find his swim trunks.

"I'm taking you suckahs down!" Keiko yelled, as Itachi helped her up onto his shoulders.

"ZETSU!" Ame yelled, calling for the freaky plant boy.

He came up wearing a pair of swimming trunks, one half was black, the other half white.

It sort-of matched with Ame's black and white one-piece, which had a dropping neckline that went to her belly button, before covering her skin. This showed off her cleavage, and Zetsu drooled, not from hunger. Surprisingly.

The sides were cut out of her white bathing suit, which was trimmed in black.

"Come on, Zetsu. We're playing chicken."

"Okay. Can we eat ther losers?"

"NO!"

"Aww, okay." He stuck out his bottom lip.

"Just a nibble?"

"NO!"

So Hidan and Teira, and Tobi and Kakuzu fought.  
While they were fighting, Zetsu and Ame were battling Rya and Deidara.

Myoko and Sasori were fighting Keiko and Itachi.

Three winners were the three sisters.

Keiko and Rya battled, Keiko won, and then Keiko and Teira battled.

They both fell at the same time.

Kisame was swimming around underwater likle a mermaid.

Occasionally he woud pop up to the surface like a dolphin.

When they were done swimming, they pulled on clothes over their swimsuits, which dried by the fire, and went to the Big House- all except for Tobi and Kakuzu, who went to bed- where Konan and Pein were sitting around playing Beer Pong.

"I wanna play!" Keiko and Rya jumped over and began to chug the beer.

"I WIN!" Keiko the Alcoholic said, slurring her words.

"Truth or dare!" Konan randomly yelled.

"Dare me." Rya said.

"I dare you to... Kiss Deidara."

"Ohtay!" She skipped over to him and bent down. Right before their lips made contact, she passed out.

"Uhh, next." Konan said, while Deidara drug the unconscious Rya to the couch.

"Ame, truth or dare."

"Truth."

"Have you ever craved meat before?"

"Uhh..." She blushed. "Yeah. Once."

"Aha!" Zetsu yelled.

"Oh, shut up." She hit him upside the head.

"Okay. Zetsu, truth or dare."

"DARE!" His creepy voice yelled.

"Okay. I dare you to eat only fruits and vegetables for a whole month."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Zetsu yelled sadly.

"Fine." He finally said. "Truth or dare, uh, Teira."

"DARE ME FUCKER!"

"I dare you to prank call your mom."

"Okay!"

She pulled out her phone, blocked her number, and dialed her mother's number.

"Hello, Clarise." Teira said in a sinister voice when her mother answered.

"I think you have the wrong number. This is Shikari Nara."

"Oh, well WAZZZAAAAAAHP?" Teira said.

"Um, nothing Just trying to sleep. Who is this?"

"I'm watching you Amy!"

"WHAT AM I DOING?"

"You're picking your nose."

"WHAT? How did you know?"

"I'm in your bushes!"

"AAAH! CREEPER!" And her mom hung up.

"Bye mom." Teira said into the dial tone.

"Truth or dare, Hidan?"  
"FUCK TRUTH! I CHOOSE DARE!"

"I dare you to go three days without using hair gel."

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Hidan yelled angrily.

"It's a dare. You have to."

"No."

"Fine then. I guess you're just a little bitch boy, who can't take the heat."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY BITCH?"

"I said you're a pussy." Teira yelled.

"Fuck you, I'll fucking do it, okay? Fuck!" Hidan yelled.

"Now ask someone truth or dare."

"Uhm, Teira, truth or dare."

"Dare me Fucker."

"I dare you to go streaking, around Kakuzu'a cabin, and find Kisame and tell him you want his fishstick."

"UHHHHHHHHH... FUCK NO!"

"What the fuck, bitch!"

"Erg, okay fine! DAMMIT, THIS FUCKTASTIC!" She swore as she pulled off her clothes, the girls watching with amusement, but the guys averted their eyes.

Except for Hidan, who just ogled the poor defenseless Teira. Pshhht, yeah right!

She whopped him upside the head with her headband, the metal hitting him in the eye.

"OI!" He began to swear, but she took off, laughing.

"Heyy, Kisame!" She shouted loudly, as Kisame stepped out on to his porch.

"Wh-wh-what?" He asked, bewildered at the sight of the naked girl.

"I want your fish stick!" Teira screamed, then, before the perverted fish man could make a move, she ran like hell back to the Big House.

"Oi, fuckers, where are my clothes?" Teira screamed, looking around frantically for her swimsuit.

Hidan stepped out of the house, and pulled off his cloak.

He quietly draped it over her shoulders, when she glared at him.

"I don't want your fucking cloak, I want my clothes!"

"They just gave them to Kisame. If you want them, you can go fucking get them!"

Teira frowned, but fastened the Akatsuki cloak around her neck. 


	5. Random Sleepover Fun!

Akatsuki Randomness

DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put up disclaimers, but I just feel like it, so shut up and enjoy. By the way: I NO OWNEY AKATSUKI, NARUTO & COMPANY, OR ANY OTHER BRAND NAMED ITEM IN THIS STORY...

Like I said, shut up and enjoy the oocness.

"Chapter Five: Random Sleepover Fun!"

"Seven minutes in heaven!" Konan yelled, startling Itachi, who was dozing off on his roomate's shoulder.

"First, we have Ame and Zetsu!"

The blue haired girl threw the people inside the room, and locked the door.

"IF YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR, I'M GONNA BITE IT DOWN!" Zetsu said, threatening them.

"FINE! BE LIKE THAT." He began to chomp on the doorknob. He moved to the door.

Within minutes they had the door completely broken down.

"Next up, Itachi and Keiko!" They threw them inside a different room, with a lock on the outside of the door.

"Huh?" Keiko asked, confused.

"I tink ish teven minutes in jeaven..." He trailed off, flopping onto the soft, plush, bed.

"Oh..." She fell over onto his lap.

~Six Minutes Later~

"WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING? FUCKING?" Hidan burst into the room with Teira (still wearing nothing but Hidan's cloak) holding up a camera.

They realized that the couple were laying on the bed, passed out.

Teira pulled out a twizzler and stuck it inside of her older sister's mouth. When Kieko didn't move,she decided to stick it up her sister's nose.

"Nozzled you, my friend." Teira took a bite of the twizzler.

"Uhhh. That was in my nose." Keiko said, finally waking up.

"FUCKING SO? I DON'T FUCKING GIVE A FUCKING CARE. FUCKING DAMN BITCH! DON'T HAVE TO POINT IT OUT! THAT SHIT WAS A PERFECTLY GOOD TWIZZLER! IMMA EAT IT IF I WANT TO, BITCH."

"Okay. Okay, I get it."

"Wha's all the commontion?" Itachi sat up, ruffled his hair and blinked.

"What's the time?"

"Fucking four forty. Why?"

"I'm going to my cabin."

"Me Too. I'm tired out of my brains."

"I'm fucking hot!" Teira said, "I mean not."

"Yeah, Bitch, You're fucking hot!"

"I am, ass-wipe."

"Cheers to that. Fucker." They clunked their beer bottles together.

They were next. She reluctantly handed over the key.

"Hidan?"

"Hmm?"

"I just wanna say thanks, for, you know, helping me." She planted a kiss on his cheek.

"You're welcome."

He rubbed his neck. He had hurt it earlier, falling from the twin-sized bed they had been sleeping in.

"Here, let me help you." She said, climbing onto his back, and rubbing his neck.

Five minutes later, Ame had come to get them, but soon found out that they were very drunk, because Teira had snuck a bottle of gin in there.

"Come on Teira." Hidan said, not cussing for 7 minutes straight.

"Kisame is at my cabin, so lets go to number seven."

Hidan led a very drunk Teira into his cabin, 10 minutes later.

"Tobi, Kakuzu, Out, Go to my cabin." Teira said, pushing them out of their room.  
"Now, For you." She said, turning to Hidan.

"Shower, Now." She ordered.

"Okay." He was silent, mostly.

She began to remove the cloak.

"Whoo hoo." She said as she stepped inside of the shower.

"Hmmm..." Hidan smiled smugly.

"Fuck you." she said,laughing at his haair matted on his head..

"In a shower?"

"Yeah. Sure, just, shut up."

"Okay."

Teira woke up laying next to a warm body. A warm, naked body.

"WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK!" She screamed loudly, waking up a sleeping Hidan.

"Oi, I'm trying to fucking sleep here, do you mind?"

"Yes, yes I mind! There are five fucking people staring at us, and you have morning wood that's pressing into my fucking stomach. So yeah, I mind!"'

Hidan peeled back the covers and laughed.

Then turned to Tobi, Zetsu, Ame, Kisame and Kakuzu.

"What the fuck are you looking at, motherfuckers?"

"You guys are in the middle of the mess hall's floor. Naked." Ame stated.

"So? We don't fucking care!"

"Well, we are just trying to eat. Tobi is a good boy, but Hidan is bad. Bad Hidan."

Tobi was reprimanding a very hung-over, naked Hidan.

"OI! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

The five people left, and Teira yawned, stretched, and picked up the sheet, leaving a naked Hidan laying on the floor.

"OI! Bitch where are you going?"

"Bed." She stated, then left to get some clothes on.

While she was changing, Hidan ran into their cabin and glared at her.

"What the fuck are you staring at?" She asked rudely.

"You. Bitch, I had to run around camp fucking Naked because of your fine little ass."

"Would you rather have me run around naked, and have everyone see me naked?"

Hidan growled in distaste, but said nothing.

"My point exactly."

"Fuck off."

"No thanks. I'm going to bed. Night, fucker."

"It's the middle of the afternoon bitch."

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" She threw a pillow at him with enough force to knock him down.

Then she yawned and fell asleep.

Hidan crawled slowly into their bed.

Everybody else's night just consisted of passing out, and waking up in random rooms, cuddled up prandomly next to their room mates. It very interesting positions...

It went a little something like this:

Itachi woke up to a soft cadence of someone lightly breathing.

Then, as if his senses were being turned back on, one by one, he smelled strawberries, then saw black.

Black? But it was different than the black he had seen before he had opened his eyes.

This was...

'Keiko!' Itachi remembered, slightly, the two literally falling into bed, and her asking him softly to cuddle with her because she was cold.

He felt a light flush find it's way to his cheeks, and thought only of how beautiful she was.

Keiko rolled over, practically on top of him now, and let out a little moan, followed by, "Itachi...Mmm, Weasel...Kiss?"

'What?' Itachi thought, confused, but slightly freaked out.

Why was a beautiful girl like her doing thinking, dreaming about the likes of him?

Then he remembered the second word out of her soft pink lips...

Weasel.

Ame shifted on her very warm, squishy bed that was... Moving?

"WHAAA-!" She slid off of Zetsu as he woke up and stretched.

"What the hell, Zetsu?" She screeched, angrily.

"Hmm? Oh, ahhhhh, I'm sooooorry," He yawned, and stretched his agile body.

Ame caught herself staring at his muscular arms, and his lean, built torso...

She caught herself, just in time, right before Zetsu made eye contact with her.

Or so she thought...

"Morning, love, hmm..." Deidarra said softly, humming quietly to a happy tune.

"Mmm, morni- ACK!" She ran to the bathroom, and proceeded to throw up her intestines.

Deidara, having been through the same torture, only hours before, rushed to her side, pulling her hair back, and getting her a damp cloth.

"Thanks, doll." She said, wiping away the vomit, and smiling to show her appreciation, since kissing him was totally out of the question...

"No problem. Sleep well, un?"

"Sleep? Who could sleep after what went down?"

Deidara chuckled, and continued humming to himself while he sculpted a dove.

"Mmmph!" Myoko had woken up in a cold sweat, a terrified look on her face, shaming her beautiful feautres.

She attempted to scream, only to realize that someone was kissing her.

Sasori!

That weasel! Actually, that's Itachi, but, eh?

Who cares?

Myoko sure didn't. All that matters, was that the Sasori of the Red Sands, her room mate, and subject of her fangirl fantasies, had just kissed her...

As she was screaming...

How... embarrassing.

She began to feign sleep, but Sasori had already got up from the bed with a frustrated sigh.

"I know you're awake. Quit faking."

His voice was cold and low, a dangerous tone that he reserved only for his enemies...

'Crap! He thinks I don't like him...' She frantically thought of what she should say to fix the situation, and her eyes and mouth opened at the same time, but no mending words came out. Nothing came out. At all.

"Whatever." That damn cold voice again.

"Tobi is a good boy?"

"AAAH! TOBI GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON MY BED!" Kakuzu yelled, waking up the sleeping Kisame, who was also a part of the jumble of limbs and torsos that lay ont he floor.

"But, Kakuzu is on the floor, on Tobi's bed." Tobi stated confused.

"Oi, shut the flip up, I'm trying to sleep! Wait! What are you two jack asses doing on my bed?"

"Oi, dumbass, we're all on the floor."

"Oh."


	6. Random Hippies and Stoic Ninjas

Akatsuki Randomness

DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put up disclaimers, but I just feel like it, so shut up and enjoy. By the way: I NO OWNEY AKATSUKI, NARUTO & COMPANY, OR ANY OTHER BRAND NAMED ITEM IN THIS STORY...

Like I said, shut up and enjoy the oocness.

"Chapter Six: Random Hippies and Stoic Ninjas"

It was raining outside.

And they were sitting on a swing, singing random song that held secret messages.

"Life is a waterfall..." Her sweet voice made even the coldest Uchiha smile, and make even the most stoic ninja's heart melt.

As it did in the case of Keiko and Itachi.

"We drink from the river and we turn around and put up our walls.."

She sang System of a Down's "Aerials," half to herself, half to the boy sitting in front of her.

He smiled softly, as she continued to sing as the rain poured around them.

"Swimming through the void, we hear the word..."

She sang unwaveringly sweet. To him, of all people...

"We lose ourselves... but we find it all..." She smiled at her favorite lyrics, and watched as the normally reserved Uchiha lost his control, his grip on his leash...

He closed the distance between them, and pressed a longing, yet gently kiss upon her strawberry sweet lips. They were even softer against his than he had ever imagined.

And, believe me when I say, he had dreamed of this moment since he met her, three-and-a-half weeks ago.

And as he wrapped his arms around her soft frame, he pulled back from the kiss, and just held her.

In the rain.

Then he began to sing softly.

"Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always..."

He could feel the humming in her throat as she sang with him.

"Kiss you, taste you, all night, always..."

He whispered in her ear, "Always..."

She pressed herself against him, shivering, the full effects of the summer's storm finally taking it's toll on her.

"Come on, Keiko, let's get you warmed up..." He grinned silently as he ushered her towards their cabin...


	7. Random Jashinsts and Hangover Queens

**Akatsuki Randomness**  
**DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put up disclaimers, but I just feel like it, so shut up and enjoy. By the way: I NO OWNEY AKATSUKI, NARUTO & COMPANY, OR ANY OTHER BRAND NAMED ITEM IN THIS STORY...**  
**Oh, and guys, B&R left, so this is just me.. T.. So lonely! *cries anime tears***  
**Like I said, shut up and enjoy the oocness.**

_"Chapter Seven: Random Jashinists and Hangover Queens"_

A loud scream pierced the air.

It was Hidan.

"What the- What the fuck is this?!" He yelled at his lover.

"Oh, it seems you've found Oromi. He's a good boy, just don't piss him off, Okay?" Teira grinned at the man.

"It's a snake!" He yelled.

"Yep! He's really cool! Watch this!" She snapped her fingers, and the snake was laced around Hidan's neck intricately- If he moved an inch, the snake would break his neck.

"W-what the fuck?"

She smiled.

"Good boy." Hidan frowned.

"You bitch!" He pulled Oromi off of him and jumped on Teira.

She laughed as his fingers attacked her sides.

"St-stop it!" She pushed his hands away, then sat up.

"I want some tacos."

"Uhh..?"

"Hidan, can you drive?"

"Yes.. Why?"

"Take me to Taco Bell..?"

"Ugh.. Fine.. Get some shoes on!"

She slipped on her combat boots and the duo headed out the door.

They arrived at the nearest Taco Bell fifteen minutes later.

"Hey, Hidan..?" She swallowed her food and wiped her mouth.

"Yeah?" He asked, mouth full of taco.

"Did you put Oromi back in his tank?" She asked, glaring.

"Noo..?"

**"FUCK."**

* * *

Teira and Hidan returned back to camp with a large bag of tacos, and were just getting out of the car when a scream split the air.

"Oromi.." Teira muttered, glaring at Hidan.

"Ehheheh.." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

They followed the sounds of the womanly screams and wound up at.. Cabin Seven? Their's was Cabin Five.. Could Oromi have slithered that far?

Hidan and Teira knocked on the door and were greeted by Tobi. "Hi Hidan-san and Teira-chan!" He yelled.

He also screamed his welcomes to the others behind them.

"Who was screaming?" Teira asked.

"Oh! That was Kisame-san!"

Teira laughed loudly, and Hidan smiled.

"Did a snake, by chance, happen to cause this girly scream?"

"Yep! He was about this big, and he was purple and black-"

"Teira, did you bring Oromi?" Ame asked, sounding excited.

"Yep! I didn't wanna get lonely!" She smiled brightly.

"So.. you brought a snake?" Pein questioned.

"Yep!" She said again.

The all walked into the other room to see Kisame standing on top of his bed, holding a broom. Kakuzu was on his, wielding a high-heeled shoe.

"BWAHAHA!" They all busted up as the bed underneath Kisame busted.

"C-Come here, Oromi." She said, as the snake slithered over and wrapped around her arm.

"G-Good boy."

**'Heh! Yesss. Masster.. I am a good boy.. Or so you think..'**

**Fin.**


	8. Random Preps and Artists

Akatsuki Randomness

DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put up disclaimers, but I just feel like it, so shut up and enjoy. By the way: I NO OWNEY AKATSUKI, NARUTO & COMPANY, OR ANY OTHER BRAND NAMED ITEM IN THIS STORY...

Like I said, shut up and enjoy the oocness.

"Chapter Eight: Random Preps and Artists"

"DEIDARA! YOU STOLE MY HAIRSPRAY!"

"DID NOT!" He yelled back to the ranting Rya.

"DID TOO!" She argued pathetically.

"PROVE IT, UN!"

"Then why is your hair so straight, and smell so good? Hmm? Answer that you grunting caveman!"

"Because I washed then blow-dried it today, un!"

"Mhm. Likely story." Rya said sarcastically.

"Seriously! And I do not grunt am am not a caveman!" He yelled, outraged.

"Right. And I'm suppose to believe you why?"

"Because, you have to live with me for another month."

Suddenly the door sprang open and Teira stood in the doorway with a rope and her Brown hair was shining in the light.

"Aarg! What the hell are you doing?"

"Come with me."

"Why do you have rope?"

"Shut up you fucking Caveman."

"See? But yeah, Why do you have a rope? Hmmm?"

"Are you gonna come with me willingly?"

"Nope."

"Then this is why." She pounced on rya and Tied her arms and legs. Then threw her over her shoulders.

"She'll be back."

"Wait! Rya!"

But they were already gone. He sighed and threw the bottle of hairspray agaistnt the wall.

~~~3 hours later~~~

"Where were you?"

"Are you my mom?"

"God dammit Rya. Its so boring here. Teira Your a fucking Bitch. Where did you go anyways?"

"Up your ass."

"Okay. Just go home."

"Fuck you bitch."

All of a sudden Rya screamed, "You make my PP hard!"

"Damn right hoe your so sleezy."

Another Rya popped up and started saying " You give me the heeby jeebies."

They all started singing Sex Toyz by brokeNCYDE.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAH! AND THEY SHALL NEVER KNOW THAT IS WAS I, THE GREAT TOBI THAT STOLE RYA'S HAIRSPRAY!"

"Tobi STFU AND GIMME THAT DAMN SPRAY BEFORE I SHOVE IT UP YOUR .A-"Hidan was suddenly cut off.

"SOPHAGUS..." Rya cut in.


	9. Random Puppets and iPod shuffles

Akatsuki Randomness

DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put up disclaimers, but I just feel like it, so shut up and enjoy. By the way: I NO OWNEY AKATSUKI, NARUTO & COMPANY, OR ANY OTHER BRAND NAMED ITEM IN THIS STORY...

Like I said, shut up and enjoy the oocness.

"Chapter Nine: Random Puppets and iPod Shuffles"

"Look, Sasori, I'm sorry about what-"

"Go away."

"I'm just trying to say that im so-"

"Didn't i just say to go away?"

She sighed and thought, theres only one thing left to do. She smiled wickedly and placed a hand on his shoulder. Then she placed herself carefully on top of him. She felt him look up. She looked down and whispered,"Im sorry."

Myoko waited until he said.

"No your not. You dont like me very much do you?"

She had no answer.

"Just what i thought."

"no its not like that..." She trailed off and then pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I dont like you sasori... I love you."

"HN?"

"I've felt this way since we've met, but... its kind of hard to express your feelings for someone else, Sasori. just thought you'd want to know. And it doesnt matter if you dont feel the same. Because i just wanted you to know. I'll be leaving soon. It wont be pleasent for anyone."

"Myoko..."

"what?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"this." He jumped on her and started kissing her so passionately that she was filled up with emotions.

"Sasori..."

"Myoko... Are you really leeaving?"

"Why?"

"Don't leave."

"Okay."

They had layed there for hours, just listening to eachothers hearts, when Myoko said, "Sasori?"

"Hn?"

"What happened to your puppet?"

"In the closet."

She pushed open the door and looked at the beautiful wooden puppet infront of her."It..Its beautiful!"

"Just lilke you."

"Sasori-Kun..."

"Don't worry. Its nothing."

"Shhh..."

"Myoko?"

"Sasori. What is it?"

"Take my heart. Keep it forever. Remember it as the time you first fell in love."

"Sasori. What are you saying?"

"i am not implying anything. But i am not so sure that we will be seeing eachother very much after this summer."

"Sasori, You do know that i am free to do what I will, Right?"

"What?"

"I'll be staying with the Akatsuki."

"You'll be staying with me. Forever. I love you, Myoko."

"I love you too Sasori." 


	10. Random Plants and  Emos

Akatsuki Randomness

DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put up disclaimers, but I just feel like it, so shut up and enjoy. By the way: I NO OWNEY AKATSUKI, NARUTO & COMPANY, OR ANY OTHER BRAND NAMED ITEM IN THIS STORY...

Like I said, shut up and enjoy the oocness.

"Chapter Ten: Random Plants and Emos"

It had been three days since the "hooking up" of Itachi and Keiko, and Sasori and Myoko. It was quite obvious that the last remaining couple was Zetsu and Ame.

Things between them went smoothly, but was slightly awkward and tense when they were around the cuddling couples.

The way they nonstop made-out had Zetsu grossed out and terrified.

Itachi and Keiko claimed to have not done anything yet, but if they had, they left no traces of evidence suggesting it.

Sasori and Myoko were often snuggling against each other, ignoring the world, as they listened to Myoko's iPod.

"How long?" Ame finally rounded on Zetsu, who was busy with his back turned, fidgeting with something...

"Hm?" He asked, or more like grunted, taking a momentary reprieve from his intense concentration.

"I said, how long?" Ame demanded crossly.

"How long for what?" He asked, turning his head slightly, so that his dark side was showing.

"How long until you make a move?" She yelled in anger.

Zetsu said nothing.

"What the fuck is so important that you have to ignore me when I'm talking to you?"

She grabbed his shoulder, and spun him around.

He was holding something in his hand. Something red...

"Give it here, plant boy."

"It's not finished blooming!" He stated, watching in terror as the girl snatched it up and stared in awe.

It was a rose...

"Zetsu? Who was this for?"

"For? It wasn't for anyone, I just wanted to do the world some justice and show the rose that it had competition, for the most beautiful flower..."

Upon her confused looks, he sighed and said, "It was for you..."

He gave her a hurt look, as if she had rejected him before she could even proccess what he had said.

"Th-thanks, Zetsu. Umm, hey, what's that look for?" She demanded crossly, seeing the pain in his eyes.

"Just condemn me to a life of solitude. Don't worry about my feelings, just tell me you don't feel the same, and get it over with!"

She stared at him- he had just confessed his feelings for her.

And she, somehow, felt the same.

She moved forward to comfort him, and he flinched away, grmacing, closing his eyes as if he couldn't bear to look at her.

But his eyes slowly fluttered open as she pressed a soft, gentle kiss, full of returning emotion and feelings for him...

He smiled into the kiss, and leaned slightly deeper.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

They jerked apart, almost unwillingly.

"Come in." Ame said quietly.

"Tobi is a good boy. Tobi is here to tell pretty lady and plant that Pein wants to see everyone at nine. Campfire. Bye pretty lady! Tobi waved frantically, as if she could miss the oversized lollipop in Akatsuki robes...

"You're name is Tobehh!" Ame yelled, riding on Tobi's back, while he bucked and cried mercilessly.

"What are you doing to poor litle Tobi?" Konan asked, cracking a grin.

"BREAKING HIM OF HIS LITTLE CRUSH ON ME!"

She laughed maniacally, and said sadistically, "Once he gets to know my Dark side, he'll never be the same."

Tobi cried, "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! TOBI DOESN'T LIKE PLANT GIRL! TOBI THINKS PLANT GIRL IS... NOT PRETTY!"

"Aw, Tobi, are you okay?" Konan asked the recently released Tobi.

"N-n-no! Bad plant girl. Scary!"

"Okay, Tobi, calm down, and get ready for dinner. It's gonna be good."

"Ooh, what is it?"

"Tobi stew!" She laughed evilly, as Tobi ran off screaming.

"Heheh works everytime." Konan and Ame high-fived.


	11. Random Lemony Goodness

Akatsuki Randomness

DISCLAIMER: I usually don't put up disclaimers, but I just feel like it, so shut up and enjoy. By the way: I NO OWNEY AKATSUKI, NARUTO & COMPANY, OR ANY OTHER BRAND NAMED ITEM IN THIS STORY...

Like I said, shut up and enjoy the oocness.

Uhh.. Jsyk you guys, this doesnt really contain a lemon unless killah gives you the url. Im only 13. i dont write lemons. I could, but i dont, i've read them but im NEVER going to write ANY sort. Yaoi, Uri, whatever, OR JUST STRAIT UP FUCKING INAMINMATE IEMS...cough-cough-ZETSU-cough-cough! Just warning ya! K3 Chrystal ~~~

Chapter 11-Lemony Goodness.

"Why the fuck do I smell Lemons?" Teira said, sitting up, and disturbing Hidan, Who had his arm wrapped around Teira's waist.

"Why the fuck do i taste lemons?"Hidan said, grabbing his tounge. "Eim ellotic to lemahs!"

"MUAHAHAHHAHAHA!" Kakuzu yelled, with dollar signs in his eyes.

"KAKUZU!" Hidan yelled, Jumping up.

"NEVER DO THAT AGAIN." Teira said, punching her lover in the crotch. Especially when you're naked."

"AHH! My NUTS!"

"Seriously, Kakuzu's getting away. And put some pants on."

"NO!"

"I WILL EAT YOUR FACE IF YOU DO NOT PUT SOME GODDAMN PANTS ON!"

"FINE!"

"Those pants are mine." Teira said, pointing to the Skinny Jeans Hidan had in his hand.

"Shit. You said to put some pants on." Hidan dropped the pants and snatched up another pair.

"Still mine."

"OH MY JASHIN! DO YOU HAVE TO BITCH?"

"Hells Yeah!"

She tossed a pair of cargo shorts to Hidan, and Hidan slipped them on, then immediately ran out the door.

~Kakuzu & Kisame~

"You owe me 500 dollars."

"DUDE! You said, 20 bucks!" Kisame yelled.

"I'm Kakuzu, You cant trust me."

Kisame pulled out a hundred dollar bill and threw it.

"FETCH!"

"YAY!" Kakuzu yelled, kissing the money.

"I'll take that." Hidan said, snatching the money away.

"Bitch! Gimme that!"

"Hell NO!"

Kakuzu tackled Hidan and Hidan ended up kicking Kakuzu's ass.

Then hidan went to the kitchen and Made two sandwiches.

"Kisame! Want a sandwich?"

Hidan had asked ate the right moment, for Kisame stomache had growled loud enough to make someone go deaf.

"Yeah." Kisame practically shoved the sand wich down his throat and Hidan looked smug.

"What? What was in that sandwich?"

"Nothing.."

" tell me or get smacked."

"Fine fine, It was Shark and caviar."

"UGHH! I WILL KILL YOU!"

"MOOHAHAH!"

"Did he just moo?"Teira asked.

"I think." Rya said.

Everybody was sitting at the pool watching Kisame chase Hidan.

"Nice."

"Pass the popcorn."

"Fine."

"Will you hand me the bucket of cauliflower?"

Ame asked, and when it was passed to her, she shoved a handful into Zetsu mouth, Who in turn, turned aroung and spit it out, Muttering, "I'm Sorry, Cousin!"

"What a week." Itachi said, While Kakuzu complained about how much he was sueing Hidan for.


End file.
